First things first: this DELICIOUS repeat breakfast! Cran-apple oatmeal, again. I think I only have one serving of apples left (which are horridly brown, but work perfectly in oatmeal!) which makes me sad. So good! I even have a pictures this time:
I couldn't figure out for the life of me why I couldn't get out of bed this morning at 7. Normally I wake up anywhere between 5:45 and 6:30, but I was positively exhausted this morning! Then I remembered the time change, and the fact that I had nowhere to be until 1:00 :) So there really was no reason to get out of bed anyway! I finally pried my eyes open about 7:30 and had some coffee. Automatic timer for coffee = reason to get out of bed in the morning.
I've been thinking a bit about dieting lately. I recently confessed I've gained somewhere around 20 lbs in the past year. Basically, since I quit "dieting" and weighing myself. I also confessed I'm pretty indifferent to that number, which is a GOOD THING. It didn't shatter me, upset me, or freak me out; it just is what it is. You have no idea what a huge step that is for me. In my heyday, a gain of 2 lbs would flip me the stink out. Think sobbing. Hysterical. Yeah, I was a basket case.
So I'm relieved to have that part of me gone and done with. But gaining 20 lbs in a year (no matter how stressful) is NOT GOOD for your body at all. And it means I'm doing something wrong, because if I'm not overeating and exercising a healthy amount, I shouldn't gain weight. At the very least I should maintain. So I had to sit and think about this for awhile.
Actually, I had to sit and pray. Because that's what I do. I had to really sit and listen and hear if this was a good idea or not. I don't want to become body obsessed, but I also don't want to continue these freaky behaviors around food (bingeing, the constant need for MORE, always thinking about food, etc.).
I finally heard something that made me happy, and made me excited: it's ok to want to be healthy. Dieting gets a bad rap, as most rightly should. But in the end, wanting to have a healthy body and eat healthy food is in no way a "bad" thing. I guess I've always worried in the past that it means I'm unhappy with me, as a person (there I go, attributing food and weight to emotion!) and the person God has created me to be. But that's not true at all. Actually, it's the opposite. One of the ways I can HONOR God is through having a healthy body, and not feeding it junk (or overfeeding it healthy food, in my case). LIGHTBULB!
I needed to get to a place where I was ready for this. I don't think I could have understood what that meant before; honoring God with my body and what I put into it. Before I just wanted to be skinny, plain and simple. Through the roller coaster of losing 100 lbs and gaining 20 back I've learned so much. I've learned how foods effect me. I've learned how foods make me feel. I've learned when my body feels the healthiest. And so much more. I've learned so much more about myself, about my relationships, about... everything. So deep, I know! But it's true. My husband came back from the war to a different person, and we needed some time to get to know each other again; and that meant I had to stop focusing on dieting for awhile. And I'm ok with that.
But now it's time for ME again :) I'm so excited to put into practice all I've learned and get healthy instead of dieting. I need this place to keep me in check. It will be a record of how I'm feeling, and I'll be able to actually see if things are getting out of hand. I like that. I need that.
Now time for a long run outside because I see the SUN!! How metaphorical :)