Jen had a great (well, not GREAT, but you know what I mean) post today asking about having a healthy relationship with food, and what that looks like. To be honest, I have no. stinking. idea. You don't get to 260 lbs by 18 having a healthy relationship with food and knowing how to eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full. Let's be real.
But I've been on the other side too; meticulously counting every morsel that crossed my lips, and freaking out if it was over my "allowance" for the day. Or exercising even when I'm so tired I want to cry, because I "have" to. Neither is healthy.
I want to believe that I can get to a healthy relationship with food, where it's not all or nothing. Where I'm not either a) on a diet or b) bingeing myself into oblivion. Right now though? I just don't see it.
Today I'm tired. Emotionally. Physically. Metaphorically. Realistically. All the -ally's you can imagine. I had a mini-hissy fit (yes, you can be 25 and still have them- any sentence that starts with "I just don't wanna!" constitutes one) last week about... everything. You know those moments when you just hate everything and NOTHING is going right? I don't want to study for the midterms looming over my head, I don't want to think about eating healthy food, I don't want to spend my precious sleeping minutes at the gym- that sort of thing. Just a big whiny baby.
So today I'm not going to the gym. I'm staying home tonight, and dodged my commitments. I'm going to read, relax, and get my head on straight. I ate oatmeal for breakfast and lunch, because that's what I wanted. This certainly won't solve all my problems, but at least the sun might shine a little brighter tomorrow morning.